Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Dear Road Racing, it's not you, it's me. Love, Skinny

It will come as no surprise to anyone that I prefer 'cross racing over road racing. Road season is now approaching full swing, but I've yet to feel even a moments regret for not mounting up. My routine has settled into travel early in the week, legitimate efforts on Thursday or Friday, a long run on Saturday, and a long ride on Sunday. While I'm traveling? More running.

I'm excited for my racing friends. It's been a long winter and those that have "stuck to the plan" are reaping the benefits of their work. Ironically my fitness seems to be ok. A normal person would want to test it out, but as most of your know, my normal may be a few clicks away from  . . . well, normal. I've been giving this a lot of thought, and I think it really boils down to two things. First and foremost, I drive a lot for work. The idea of sitting in a pack for 60 miles, or even 40 seems like pure torture, particularly after driving to the race. Second, and of equal importance, most Cat 4 road racers are complete and total idiots. I'm not talking about you guys. If you're reading this, I'm sure you aren't an idiot.

I should probably get a little more specific though. During the week I may drive 16-20 hours. While driving, I see tons of idiots. On occasion, I'm probably an idiot as well, because let's face it, a genius would find a way to make a living without so much travel. I'm in a glass house here, but here's my problem, people are stupid. They throw cigarette butts out of their windows, drive 64mph in the fast lane, slam on the brakes when they see the po-po, try to back-up at the EZ Pass booth when they realize they don't actually have an EZ Pass, drive rear wheel drive Mustangs in snow storms, text, put make-up on, swerve to the left before turning right, take crappy lines into traffic circles, pass you at 80mph and then slow to 58 repeatedly, and the worst offenders . . . they drive Prius's. They are the worst. I could go on, but I won't.

The driving can make for long weeks. I love my work, but once it's over, I'm not looking to extend the negative aspects of my week into the weekend. This brings me to my problems with road racing, and more specifically road racers. I'm a Cat 4 on the road. This isn't going to change any time soon. It is what it is. Cat 4 for ever. So here's my problem, bike racers, particularly Cat 4's are stupid. They slam on their brakes and yell "SLOWING," they constantly cross the yellow line prompting racers and officials to yell at them, they half wheel, they weave around, they drop water bottles causing panic in the field because the average road racer can't bunny hop a piece of chewing gum, they get bossy and scream pull to the right after they've been dropped, they refuse to take pulls because they have a teammate up the road even though they are dropped and winning is a lost cause, if they actually make it to the end with the lead group they tie up the finish by not sprinting, they complain about everything, everything . . . and some of them even drive Prius's. They are the worst. Except Dave, you're cool Dave, you get a pass.

I think that pretty much sums it up. I'm like a younger, less talented Andy Rooney. Full of anger, and devoid of solutions.

The good news is that there is a circuit race this weekend. It's not quite a crit, but entertaining and sketchy enough to keep my mind off of Prius drivers and racers.

Hope to see you there.

Much Love,
Skinny Phil

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